I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
