The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
