So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
