My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
