every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
sarcasm needs its own font
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
