And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
sarcasm needs its own font
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
