Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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