hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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