I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
