I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
