I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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