Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?