is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?