I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.