I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break