I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
