I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
