would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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