She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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