dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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