Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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