So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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