I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
