Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Life is so much better after having sex.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
