I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
