I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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