I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
