What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
