I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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