:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
