You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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