i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
