I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
