You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
