he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
