some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
