You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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