Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
