tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
