Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
