hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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