Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
