no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
