someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
