So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
