Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
