He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
