we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
