She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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