hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
