guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
