Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
