Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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