everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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