You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
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In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
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I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i think im in europe. pls send help
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