you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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