Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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