as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
