oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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