i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
