Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
