so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
