Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
