do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize