So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
