The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
