Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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