I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
