And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
